I was still broke but no longer broken. My yoga practice helped me access a new level of power. It reminded me to appreciate simple things like my breathe and my body. It reminded me to practice gratitude. Every morning I’d crack open a fresh page in my notebook and not only list the ten things I was grateful for, but feel it right in my solar plexus. Warm, tingly, alive.

I began to realize how much I used distractions and busyness as self avoidance. With all my newfound space I couldn’t ignore the sick feeling developing in the pit of my stomach. The conversation inside my head was overwhelming like trying to swallow a waterfall.

What do I do next? What do people think of me? What do I say when people ask me how I’m doing?

Failure. Loser. Get a job. Grow up. Give up. You’re not meant for entrepreneurship.

I was so caught up in caring what other people thought of me all these years, I hardly ever considered what I thought of me. When I was young I learned how to fit into any group. Somehow I could bridge the gap with almost anyone. The cool kids, the nerds, the artists, it didn’t matter. I was a chameleon constantly changing forms to gain love and acceptance but never felt at home with my own self.

With each group I would show a different side of me. In one group I was more artistic and expressive. In this group I was intellectual and calculated. And so on. It was all separated. Disintegrated. I’ve heard we all have different parts to ourselves but it was all so compartmentalized. Who was I? Was I all these things? What’s real? I was confused and exhausted just thinking about it. Can’t I just be me?

Acknowledging this disturbed me. I realized I barely had a relationship with myself. I had done a lot of self work but it seems I only scratched the surface. Though my self talk was mostly self attack, it was beginning to lead me somewhere new. What was missing all this time was not money, a new business, or a job. What’s missing was a connection with my own self. I decided that what I needed most was to somehow integrate all these parts. To become whole again. As this hunger for wholeness began to take hold, a new vision of my future began to emerge.

For years I dreamed of travel and time off but I never felt like I deserved it. I envisioned a version of myself who was self-reliant, independent - a man. A man who gave his gifts to the world and lived a meaningful life. I remembered how much joy I got from mentoring my first client. I helped him create a business which enabled him to quit a high salary job he hated within a year. I was so passionate about the self exploration, self growth, and self knowledge I guided him through. The principle of investing in my self first, became my new focus. I truly believed that by prioritizing me, everything else would fall into place. I dusted off all my old books, journals and binders. I dug up all the best insights I’ve gained through the years.

I recalled the wisdom of Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher from over a 2000 years ago. He says, make a distinct line between what is in your power and what is not in your power. Our thoughts, attitude, words and actions are in our power. Everything else like the weather, someone liking us, if we get the call back, etc. are not in our power. When we’re faced with anything that is not in our power, he says we must be prepared to declare that it is nothing to us. NOTHING. Therefore, only focus on what is in our power.

All my suffering was from worrying about the things I didn’t have any power over. I felt victimized by my circumstances. I worried what people thought of me. I was stressing about how and when my life would turn around. Then I had a moment of clarity. I already had the tools to help me breakthrough this!

My coach Hans Phillips was the one who introduced me to the Well Being Checklist. The Well Being Checklist is a list of 10 things I could do every day to make me feel good. Every day I’d check things off and score myself both daily and weekly. On my list I had practice gratitude, practice yoga, meditate, walk, read and so on. I was already doing some of this but the difference came in actually tracking it. Leadership Coach Robin Sharma always says “what doesn’t get measured doesn’t get improved.” Tracking it made it a priority.

At first my well being score was horrible. I could only check 2-3 things off a day. It was challenging. It was like trying to push a boulder up a mountain. But I stuck to it. A few weeks in, I began scoring higher. Proof that I was beginning to value myself even more! These ten daily practices led to a massive boost in energy, power and confidence again. I was gaining momentum. And though I still had the same financial and existential challenges, I was finally able to find the calm within the storm. It offered a new level of self awareness and eventually it manifested into real results. Something began to shift. No longer was my worth tied to my bank account or other people’s opinion of me, it was connected to how I treated and cared for myself each day. Focusing on daily well being helped me go from being distracted to being more present. I began noticing how my perspective was changing. My relationship to my reality was transforming. I felt more resourceful, filled with ideas and felt much clearer.

Some call it coincidence, New Ager’s call it Law of Attraction, call it whatever you want. After committing to my daily practice, things started happening for me. Opportunities to sell and buy a few houses came up. All I did was show up and served them the best way I could. Then only months after hitting rock bottom the opportunities seemed to effortlessly turn into paycheques. In fact, it was the most financially rewarding time in my entire career in real estate. Things turned around for me quickly! I was literally so hopeless, cursing my life and feeling so stuck just a few months prior. Then, by practicing self care with my checklist I was able to step into my power and possibility once again and the universe delivered! I truly believe that if I didn’t begin this practicing self care I wouldn’t have offered the same amount of value, passion and drive to serve the people in front of me. I was unattached to the outcome and simply being my best self regardless of how everything would turn out.

Investing in myself became my main priority. I was back in my power and nothing could take that away from me.

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