Have you ever experienced resistance when giving to yourself?
Perhaps it's setting a boundary, creating space, or saying no to what doesn't serve you.
Maybe it's celebrating accomplishments, taking time off, or prioritizing well-being when you have an endless list of to-do's and people to care for.
It could be investing in a personal trainer, a coach, or getting a massage.
It's something you know you need yet keep delaying it. I bet you have a million great reasons (read: justifications) why you haven't too.
"It's not the best time... I'll do it next year... I know I should, but... "
Whatever it is, you know you value it and want it, but a part of you resists.
Does for me.
For years, Janet and I dreamt of traveling and this summer we were finally able to make it happen!
But not without fear and guilt showing up.
A part of me, which I refer to as survival mechanism, felt like I didn't deserve to give this to myself. That I haven't done 'enough' to earn it.
I wrote an email giving a heads up about my trip and it literally sat in my drafts folder for a month! I read it, revised it, got opinions on it. I felt sick about it! My survival mechanism created a fear-based story that clients might feel unsupported, abandoned or worse.
As uncomfortable as it was to sit with, this was a clear sign I'm about to grow!
I always say...
The bigger the power, the bigger the fear.
We've been designing our lives towards time and location freedom and it was now becoming a reality! Learning to declare what I want, take it, and be an example of what's possible was my growth edge.
When I finally sent it, the response was the exact opposite. They were excited for us and even inspired because...
If it's possible for me, then it's possible for them.
And... it's possible for you.
This experience reaffirms how survival mechanism shows up especially at our growth edge.
Remember the time you built something up in your head so much that when you finally did it you thought, "well that wasn't such a big deal!"
This was one of those moments!
I guarantee that when you are close to the very thing your gut's been begging for your survival mechanism will kick into overdrive! The other side is new and unknown -- the exact opposite of what survival mechanism wants.
It's normal to try to avoid it, control it, or want to get rid of it.
I hate to break it to you but as long as you have a pulse, the wounds from the past, the fear, the inner critic... the guilt, the shame, the 'not enough" ... all of it is here to stay.
The key is to integrate it. It's to accept that being on your growth edge means fear comes with the territory. Part of the journey.
Fear will keep going, so you must keep going.
Act in the face of it and you will prove worthy of what you say you want.
It is such healthy behaviour to set boundaries, reward ourselves, and create space for something new to show up. It's the foundation for more joy, vitality, love, and self-expression.
Aim in the direction of resistance and trust that on the other side you will say, "well that wasn't so bad, but boy... do I feel alive!"