I’m singing. Half a verse in. All eyes are on me.

My hands strum the guitar independently. My voice sways off key.

It's like I can't breath. I’m not even in my body. Everything’s in slow motion. Black and white.

Holy crap! I'm having a panic attack in front of everyone. I’m choking!

My greatest fear!

Why is this happening?!

I float back into my body and everything’s in real time again. Rushes of energy wash over me and I stop the song.

I apologize to the crowd as they offered their forgiving smiles. With my voice and hands still rattling I begin again.

The next three songs kill, I get an applause, thank everyone and run off stage wondering what just happened.

I can’t help but laugh -  this never happens to me! I’m a public speaker!

See, I live in this continuum of behaviour… from motivated self-starter all the way to paralyzing perfectionist procrastinator.

When I’m inspired I can create. When there’s a spark I run with it.

At some point the perfectionist in me gets hyper critical and obsessed with fixing things. Then the procrastinator in me puts off doing the work to finish the final 10% for fear of failure.

What if it's not good enough? What if people hate it?

I get easily distracted and watch as a pile of unfinished projects begin to tower over me.

A few weeks ago, I hesitatingly said “yes!” to performing at this show where I choked. I’ve sung and spoke in public many times... but singing? It's been a while.

Music has been close to my heart since I was a kid making me even more touchy about it. Whereas speaking and writing are gifts I regular practice, I fall on and off with music yet it yearns to be expressed!

Lately I've been sharing a mantra with clients: “be willing to bomb.”

In other words, embrace the possibility of complete and utter failure and just - go!

Put on the white belt. Have a beginner’s mindset. Suck again!

Screwing up on stage was a blessing. It reminded me not to take things so seriously all the time and to be willing to bomb myself.

It reminded me what was on the other side of my fear...

Nothing!

I didn’t die! There wasn't any pointing and laughing or dreaded tomatoes thrown at me. I am still standing.

I have clients who want to speak, start new ventures, do stand-up comedy, whatever, and are becoming "willing to bomb.” They lean into their gifts and breakthrough some of their most base fears. What once held them back reveals itself as the self manufactured fear that's been there for ages.

We must not just accept but embrace that we might suck at the beginning! That failure is a natural process towards success.

If you’re a high performer and things come naturally to you this is even more important. I speak to people all the time who hardly study yet get good grade or barely try and always find themselves to be above average in many things they do.

Accomplishing impressive results knowing deep down they could have been or done so much more is usually never satisfying.

And when they recover their deeper gifts there’s this pressure of doing it really well right off the bat.

But every master was once a beginner. Expecting that we’ll be amazing right out of the gate is foolish and dangerous.

Develop a practice, not perfection. Share your gifts and be willing to bomb instead of waiting for when the time is right.

The fear of failure will always be there. The best way I know through this is frequent exposure to fear. Feel the fear and do the thing anyway.

When it’s been a while since I’ve tasted fear, I feel my clenched jaw, bulging eyes, and racing heart -  it’s horrific. When I dip into fear every week or every day and risk my heart regularly, the less power fear has over me.

It’s like doing reps. To get stronger do the reps.

Be willing to bomb - often.

Practice your craft, put yourself out there and share your work.

If there’s a deep urge for something more inside you, I suggest you take on this new mantra and "be willing to bomb!"

Because every genius became a genius because they faced their fear. They bombed dozens, hundreds or thousands of times before they won big!

True story. Look it up 😉

If you want to take a deep dive and explore one on one coaching with me email me at olivermanalese@me.com or see my coaching page.

Be sure to check out the information about my next Integrated Self Workshop - BUILD YOUR TRIBE.