When all is lost and life is falling apart, it’s time to question everything.

For me it was:

“How do I find myself?”

The answer I discovered was…

You become what you are not, hate yourself for a bit, then run in the opposite direction hoping it’ll be different.

In 2005, a portrait of me chugging a Corona with my gut sticking out made me hate myself. Everything I was and everything around me was not what I wanted. I melted away the excess weight and along with it the fuck I gave about being a Political Science major. I cut and ran in a new direction that would empower me to become an entrepreneur.

In 2009, every morning I awoke stinging with fear that I’d end up draining my waking hours towards someone else’s dream instead of my own. It was time to plunge head first into my very first business. Will I sink or swim?

I swam.

From 2009-2012 I was flying high on my own supply. Then I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. A speck of what was left of me was begging to survive. I pulled the plug on a long held vision and let my business die so I could “find myself.”

Turns out that was only one part of the equation.

As We Create We Discover

Part of discovering who we are is simultaneously creating who we are. They go hand in hand.

Did Edison discover electricity or did he invent it? Did Beethoven discover brilliant compositions or did he create them?

Here’s my take on it.

The possibility of electricity existed but Edison was creating non-stop to find a way to harness the power of lightning. The possibility of timeless musical works were there and Beethoven show up daily to create, cross out, edit and revise before he landed on a masterpiece.

Creation and discovery are processes that happen simultaneously.

As we create ourselves, so too do we discover ourselves.

1) Self-Awareness

There’s probably 1,000 broken promises I’ve made to myself for every single promise I’ve fulfilled for someone else. Many of us hate to let down others and yet we let ourselves down constantly.

Without taking a real honest look at where we stand in our life, work and relationships, there will be no awareness. Without awareness there are no new choices and without new choices we can’t have new results.

Take a real snapshot of where you’re at. Wake up from fantasyland.

How do you do that you ask? Ask yourself honest questions.

Is this what I want? How did I get here? Where do I want to go?

Our authentic self is uncovered when we get interested and question absolutely everything.

Where you work, who you spend time with, how you feel physically, all of it is a result of past choices.

Everything that we have in our lives is there because at some point we wanted it. Then what we learn, experience and discover changes us. It changes how we feel about our lives no matter how much we try to ignore it.

2) A Burning Desire

“What do you want?”

We all can bitch and moan about what we don’t want want yet hardly ever think about what we do want. If you know what you don’t want, write it down and beside it write down the exact opposite.

For instance for “I don’t want a guy who lies all the time” and then beside it “I want an honest man I can trust.”

If you’re unhappy it’s most likely there’s an aspect in your life, work or relationships where you are settling.

What do you really really really really really really want?

(Queue the Spice Girls!)

3) The Power to Choose

The words habit or pattern is just plain offensive. It conjures up feelings of being trapped or something that’s hard to break.

Smoking, overeating, complaining, all these get lumped into the word ‘habits.’

Calling them ‘habits’ is offensive because it robs us of the one true superpower every one of us has: choice.

You are choosing to smoke. You are choosing to overeat. You are choosing to complain. No one is forcing you. No one has a gun to your head.

And you are choosing every single day.

What hurt me most was when I finally accepted that all the things I hated about my life was because of my past choices. It was also empowering because I knew it was my choice to change it.

“With great power comes great responsibility.” Uncle Ben Parker, Spiderman.

We all know Uncle Ben’s wisdom is a painful yet powerful truth. Every blessing has a curse. Every truth has a burden. When we become more self aware we suddenly become responsible for the course of our lives.

4) Creating Space

All that is no longer truly and authentically you needs to go.

Both your inner and outer world.

Clothes, books, furniture, mindsets, beliefs, habits, whatever I taking up space, rid yourself of it.

Donate, recycle or in the dump it goes.

This may even include people which is often hard to accept. Notice the costs to you energetically to be around certain people.

At your rate of growth, can you afford it? You can’t become an invitation for something new if you don’t have the space for it.

5) Future-Based Action Today

From a deeper level of awareness and space you have an opportunity to decide. Make a choice towards your truth. Design a new future.

Who you are at the core will slowly reveal itself as you take action in a new direction. Find ways to cultivate your gifts and share them.

Take the course, pick up the book, hire the coach, take the class, start your business, edit your resume.

Take one tiny step every single day.

6) Be The Ripple

This is the most important step. As you reinvent your life and become more and more authentically you, share your insights with someone. What you’ve gained along the way are insights that someone else can use on their journey.

Dare to inspire!

Write, paint, mentor someone who could benefit from your experiences. Share what you’ve learned along the way.

You will never be healed. You are not a problem to be solved. You will never be perfectly ready. You are not something that needs to be fixed before you can share your gifts, go do the thing and heal along the way.

The practices in this book are a fusion of all these principles:

Create a deeper level of awareness, reconnect with your burning desire, make powerful choices in alignment with your authentic self, create space to allow the future to happen, and inspire others along the way.

Simple right? Yeah, but not easy.

If you want some, come get some, and let’s dive in!

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