Everything's going great until it's not. We're back at square one. We either sabotage our progress, yet again... we do 'that thing' where we limit our own possibility.

There are two paths: predictability and possibility.

Predictability = more of the same
Possibility = discovering something new. A breakthrough.

The human part of us has the need for safety and comfort. This is our predictability.

The being part of us desires connection, authentic self expression, and the giving of our gifts. This requires vulnerability, as in, not safe, not comfortable. This is our possibility.

Both parts are important. Both parts are part of our experience. Neither are good or bad, right or wrong.

If you are leaning into the path of possibility and exploring your full self expression and the giving of your gifts, you are going to encounter many obstacles.

For now we’re going to talk about how we limit possibility from entering our lives through obstacles we manufacture (things we do).

Knowing these are important because we can actually do something about it.

It may just be deepening our awareness and practicing making a new choice every time it shows up. It may be taking a daily stand to release the old and familiar and embrace the new and what's next.

This post gives us a better understanding of each way we limit our own possibility as well as insights and actions I believe will lead you to the next breakthrough.

We do a bit of each, and a bit of each spill into the others.

1) We Avoid Possibility.

We limit possibility by avoiding it.

We distract ourselves. We go through the motions. We avoid acknowledging our dissatisfaction, restlessness, grief, pain, or regret.

To do so might throw us off our pattern and routine which we believe may lead to disaster. Although it is much needed for the next breakthrough to occur, we feel we can’t afford the breakdown associated with acknowledging our truth.

Deep down we know change is needed. And when it’s really painful we might even act on it.

We ask for help or make a decision. It could be a new book, getting a nanny, a new job, etc. Real, tangible change is beginning to occur. Results begin to take form.

It’s new and exciting at first, but slowly fear begins to surface.

“Who do I think I am? I can’t do this. This isn’t me.”

We make up a story of how crazy we are to be taking on this new direction and need to get back to normal. It seems like such a drastic change and big commitment. The change is affecting other areas and people in our lives.

We're afraid of bankrupting our environment and feeling un-relatable with people who themselves are not changing.

And so, we go back to the safety of the known. We hesitate, fall back, and say no the new… for now.

Eventually it becomes painful again and the cycle repeats itself without any real lasting change occurring.

-The survival mechanism fundamental to avoiding is: fleeing.
-We run, escape, hide, suppress, and distract.
-Our relationship with possibility is that it’s uncomfortable and unpredictable.

Breakthrough Insights:

1. Just because you refuse to see it, hear it, feel it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

2. Just because you avoid it and suppress it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you and the people around you.

Some actions to consider:

1. Feel what you feel. Acknowledge the thoughts and emotions as they show up. Awareness comes first. The deeper your awareness, the quicker new options and choices will reveal themselves to you.

2. Practice leaning in the direction of your fear and discomfort. The bigger your power, the bigger your fear and resistance. If there's fear, you're going in the direction of possibility. Go!

2) We Control Possibility.

We fantasize about the perfect scenario of the who, what, where, when, and how of ANYTHING. We romanticize how it’s going to look. We love to imagine the ideal circumstances that will transpire before we’re ready for the next project, painting, or writing session. We’re committed to perfection so much so that we procrastinate.

Inevitably, it doesn’t turn out the way we wanted. We feel disappointed, angry, and frustrated.

We hope for a better tomorrow or “someday” when the stars finally align for us to do our best work.

We create a story that it should be this way or that it shouldn’t be that way. We apply this to ourselves, our circumstances, others, and the world. It is exhausting and futile.

We manufacture limitations around our power and possibility, confusing them as boundaries or goals. It's “I will write X amount per day!” rather than allowing our unique process to unfold a new level of productivity, creativity, and inspiration. "I'm gonna write as much as I write and see what happens!"

We come from prediction and assumption as opposed to allowing for discovery and magic. It’s “I will give X amount of myself and no more than that!” rather than coming from curiosity, “Hmm, I wonder… how much can I give and serve?”

Accessing our greatness and fully giving ourselves requires vulnerability which means the chance of getting hurt. Controlling possibility is a great and reliable way to prevent this.

In essence, we control to guard ourselves from the potential of rejection, pain, failure, and loss.

-The survival mechanism fundamental to control is protection.
-We shield, guard, limit, restrict, and insulate.
-Our relationship with possibility is that it’s dangerous, chaotic, and fear the consequences.

Breakthrough Insights:

1. You are finite. Possibility is infinite. Quit pretending you can control the infinite. Quit playing GOD.
2. Much of our suffering comes from trying to have power over what we truly have no power over.

Some actions to consider:

1. Read the Serenity Prayer. Be this.
2. Distinguish what you can control and what you cannot control. Take control of what you can. Release all that you cannot and practice declaring that it is NOTHING to you.
3. Let go of control and allow for discovery, curiosity, and magic in your life.

3) We Resist Possibility.

We are smarter than the process. Our way is THE way. Others can go through the discomfort of change, but not us. We want to skip to the lesson and insight without all the hard work required in between.

We use our intellect as a weapon and a shield. We use it to rationalize, justify, and excuse ourselves from the change that’s begging to occur. We use it to focus on all the possible negative consequences that come with change. We spot the faults in others, but find it difficult to see our own. We’re great at giving unsolicited advice to others, but don’t dare tell us what to do.

We don’t want to acknowledge how and where we are settling in life, work, and relationships. We force ourselves to believe things are better than they are and that the change we dream of is unnecessary or unrealistic.

We’re the underdog. Tirelessly fighting against the odds.

We climb the same mountain over and over thinking that it’s progress. No real breakthrough occurs.

We forget that we were beginners once. We forget that the discomfort and humility found in new beginnings is a crucial part of the process.

The longer we stand our ground, the stronger we believe we are.

To let go, move on, and shift direction is to fail. We have a need to always finish what we started. To surrender would mean defeat.

-The survival mechanism fundamental to resistance is fighting.
-We defend, protect, attack, and stand our ground.
-Our relationship to possibility is win/lose, good/bad, success/failure.

Breakthrough Insights:

1. You are not smarter than the process. You are not the exception to the rule. You are not a unique snowflake.
2. All great leaders and creators have gone through fear and resistance along their journeys. You are not alone.

Some actions to consider:

1. Notice the costs of constantly carrying a weapon and shield.
2. Notice looking at life as win/lose, good/bad, success/failure. It's all just feedback. We do the labelling.

On our fear & survival mechanism

Self sabotage, overwhelm, overcommitted, busy, lazy, stupid, bored, playing small, angry, grudges, powerless, helpless, hopeless, addicted, attached, dramatic, indifferent, apathetic… These are just a few of the qualities and experiences we might have when we are in fear and survival.

I have found that whatever it is, we all created a way to survive and cope with our circumstances as children. When we encounter painful or dangerous situations in our adult life it wakes up this part of us that we created. The part that needed to learn self-preservation. The part that needed stability, safety, and security.

At various times in our lives our survival mechanism has empowered and served us. The challenge we are faced with as leaders and creators is that our growth requires that we lean into our gifts and our greatness. When we do this our survival mechanism gets triggered and actually limits us in order to 'protect us.' The new, unknown, unpredictable path of possibility is not safe. It’s scary to this part.

By acknowledging when we are in fear, we take an important step in deepening our awareness. When we identify the qualities (some of the words above) we experience and express when we are in fear we become better able to catch ourselves in survival. When we catch ourselves resisting, avoiding, and controlling possibility, we begin to realize that this is a thing we do and not who we are. It's a part of us to embrace, learn from, and distinguish.

We have a survival mechanism, we are not our survival mechanism.

Make this distinction, deepen your awareness, and a new realm of possibility begins to unfold.