One thing I hate is feeling like I have zero control. Like when my circumstances get the best of me. I go into fight, flight, or freeze and make decisions from my survival mechanism and fear.

This week I had a number of clients make these two simple declarations to begin leaning into being more calm, centred and powerful no matter the situation. 

Declaration #1 - "I Declare Myself Secure."

Let me explain...

When things don't happen our way we may feel a loss of power. External circumstances like finances, relationships, or otherwise seem to be working against us and we get triggered. Our survival mechanism kicks in and we race for safety.

Safety is an outside-in phenomenon. It's our attempt to avoid injury or pain. It's when we wish all hell wasn't breaking loose and wish we lived in a bubble where it's all gumdrops and unicorns where nothing goes wrong (because who doesn't!?).

If only I didn't have these money issues. If only I didn't lose my job. If only I had a better job. I hope this person doesn't hurt me or break my heart.

What happens is we're constantly holding a weapon or a shield. We try to control the uncontrollable - the external.

On the other hand, when we declare, "I am secure" what we're saying is "I can adapt, I can survive, I will get through this."

When we're secure in ourselves it doesn't mean our challenges aren't valid or that we're crazy, it just means we are mindful of who we're being.

Imagine... If the entire world waited to act only once they were fearless, what would happen?

I'll tell you. Absolutely nothing! No innovation. No action. No change. No evolution. We'd be frozen in time.

Security is an inside-out phenomenon. "I declare myself secure" means, "Sure... shit's gonna to go down (because it always does) but I canbe with it. I am resourceful, strong, insightful, and powerful enough to get through this because you know what? I always have!"

Hey, remember that time you had that huge expense come out of nowhere? Like a car repair, house repair, some crazy ass balloon payment and you're like "WTF how am I going to pay for this!?" But somehow you moved mountains and did it anyways? That's what I'm talking about.

Or that time you lost your job, you're panicking, the world as over and you wondered how the hell you're going to make rent next month and then somehow under pressure you made it all happen just in the nick of time? Yeah, like that!

When we declare ourselves secure we stretch ourselves and become larger than the obstacle or challenge. We check back in with a larger commitment we have and the problem we have comes into perspective.

Look. I've been self-employed for 7+ years now. I've had huge wins and brutal losses. Creditors calling, late bills, rejected for credit, overdraft, depression, loss of identity, rock bottoms, anxiety, you name it. Shit continues to go wrong for me as an entrepreneur but I'm still standing.

Would you like it if I spent an hour sharing with you the entire sad story of my life? I sure hope not! That story is old, reliable, and telling it over and over is just me convincing myself of why I can't. Instead I OWN that story, appreciate where I've been, then move FORWARD.

Because you know what? I have made it through every single challenging time in my life and so have you.

Losing is a part of life. Being defeated is a choice. Declare yourself secure and surpass anything that stands in your way!

Cool? Okay, next.

Declaration #2 - "Let the pain propel you"

I once met a powerful and inspiring woman named Eve. Her bright big smile and attitude raised my energy just being around her.

Curiously I asked her “how did you become so wise?” I knew there must be a deeper story about how she became so insightful.

I could never have predicted what she said next.

In the last few years she lost three of her sons. Each one from a separate, tragic incident which left her in an empty, grief-ridden, depressed state. With her upbeat attitude and glowing smile, I would have never guessed she had suffered such loss.

I was speechless. When I was finally able to muster up a few words I expressed how unbelievably sorry I was. I couldn't imagine what it was like to be in her shoes. 

Still shocked I asked, “How are you able to stay so positive… and upbeat?”

This is how she described it. 

There are days where she would wake up to a tear-soaked pillow and zero desire to live. The sense of loss would cascade over her in a torrential storm. On those days, she would stay in bed. All day. 

No phone. No answering the door. No food. Just lay in bed. And cry and mourn.

The next day. Her sorrow cut so deep that she would stay under the covers again. For the entire day. Avoiding the world. Avoiding life.

Then on the third day, it was different. It didn’t matter how she felt. 

She would gather up all the will she had left and "get the fuck out of bed." She would go back to work, get things done, move forward. To her, it was a matter of life and death.

If she stayed in bed a third day, it’s accepting defeat. It would be admitting there was no longer a point to life. So on the third day no matter what, she chose to live. 

No. Matter. What.

“You have to let the pain propel you,” she said matter-of-factly.

I was in awe. Goosebumps washed over my entire body and those words were forever branded into my soul.

Let the pain propel you. 

Here’s a person who has suffered unimaginable pain and heartache. Someone who faces it every single day and still has the power to overcome it. She gives herself permission to feel what she's feeling for two days, then she gets back up and moves forward.

She inspires me. She reminds me that I’m a survivor too. We all are. She reminds me that no matter the heartbreak, failure, or breakdown, we have the power to choose...

Life or death?

Technically, as long as you’re breathing you’re alive. But if all you do is stare out the window wondering would ‘could have been/should have been/if only’ and you let the days slip into weeks, into months, into years, to me, that's not living.

To me, being alive means growth. Breaking THROUGH our obstacles.

It means feeling excited! Like every morning waking up to another chance, another day filled with power, possibility, purpose and passion!

Living is about being in the moment, feeling grateful and desiring to share our gifts with the world. As we invest in ourselves we are helping and inspiring others along the way who are also on their own journey by way of our example. 

You and I can be a portal by which others can see new possibilities within their own lives. 

So... when you get stumble and crawl, crumble and fall, in this crazy ass journey called life, remember Eve, remember her story, remember her words... let the pain propel you.