Constantly seeking balance in life without truly understanding the nature of balance is bullshit.
“Wouldn’t you love some more ‘balance’ in your life? What does that even mean!?”
What I’ve noticed about myself is that this urge to find ‘balance’ was due to massive guilt and a huge weight on my shoulders. It felt like there were parts of my life like relationships, goals, and passions that I neglected and that I was a bad person for doing so.
The things that I actually invested or spent my time doing were things like business, entertainment and socializing. This guilt manifested into a lower energy, less action taking and less enthusiastic about life – what a crappy feeling. While I was doing one thing I fretted over the fact I could not do the other thing. Like working instead of relaxing, creating instead of enjoying free time every once in a while. Focused SO MUCH on the DOING of life.
I hope you get the picture.
How was I supposed to continue to live with myself knowing that life won’t be complete or better until I finally feel a sense of balance? What I quickly realized is that my idea of balance was bullshit. It was not possible to achieve!
THE BALANCING ACT
The only way I could have balance, I realized, was is if I invested equally into every area of my life, daily! I could also have balance if I invested absolutely ZERO in each area as well! Thus posing a problem to this idea of balance. If you’re like me, I associated balance with equal weights and measure. The problem with this philosophy is that we have way too many levels and aspects to ourselves to actually contribute equally to each of them consistently. And assigning units of measurement in our head does not work! Especially when it comes to things like relationships, inspiration, feeling adventurous, peace of mind and so on. How do you measure that!?
The other major discovery was that ‘balance’ is NOT a destination. Not somewhere out there to get to. Something attainable right here, right now. The prospect of achieving this now became possible!
ORGANIZED CHAOS
What has helped me organize the chaos was my perception of life and being conscious in the present moment. It was the FEELING of a sense of balance. It was not a logical, rational, weight and measure that was in balance, but the fulfillment and internal satisfaction I got with spending time to work on different areas of my life and focusing my attention on that without any distraction or regret of neglecting the others. It was about feeling good and grateful for what IS and doing my best with fulfilling what was important in the NOW.
I learned to not feel guilty for being unable to invest in other areas of my life. If at that moment I was required to focus on something else of great importance in another area of my life, then so be it. Instead of constantly thinking about work or being distracted I could actually enjoy the company of my friends, hanging out with family, watching an awesome movie or reading a great book!
I accept now that I have to invest time and energy in each area of my life but can only do it one step at a time. There are days I focus on some more than others. There are days when I focus only on one. I just let myself feel good that I am spending my time where I need it most and am aware that I have other parts of myself that deserve attention.
Simply being aware of this means that when the right opportunities arise that can take me closer to better relationships, a more profitable business, sharing more of my music and so on, I will be able to make a more conscious decision on what I will focus my energy on next.
Three Easy Ways to Find a Sense of Balance from My Experience:
1. Become aware of all the areas of your existence.
I always mindmap using Mindmeister. I split up the different aspects of my life like finances, health, mind, fun. Then I have aspects of my business life: real estate agent, The RentBusters. Then I have a section for my music as well.
The main branches then extend out to include milestones, goals, and priorities for each aspect. Getting it out of my mind and onto an external representation on paper or mindmap helps ease my soul and I’m sure it will for you too.
2. Accept that fulfillment will come from always adding value to areas of your life.
Guilt or distraction is usually an indicator that there is an area that you have not been in full integrity with. Make sure you schedule time or keep it at the top of your mind that you must do something towards that one part of your life. Distraction also means that what’s in front of you isn’t getting the attention it deserves. Be like a laser beam!
3. Just Be OK.
Be okay with what you can get done today. Be okay that you can’t be everything to everyone at all times. Be cool with the fact that you’re human!
If you focus only on the next step, what is in front of you, you will pour much more of your passion and enthusiasm into the people and things that deserve your attention right NOW.
And the next day, something new will be more important and take care of it then. But for now. JUST BE OK.
What do you think? Did you find this helpful? Please share your comments and thoughts below.
Oliver,
You are wise beyond your years my friend. Keep on writing content like this and your following with continue to grow by leaps and bounds.
I have learned a lot from you from our recent chats, and I thank you for your wisdom. Keep on spreading the good word brother!
Regards,
Neil.
Hey Neil,
Thanks buddy. I really appreciate the feedback from you, this means a lot. Glad you enjoyed!
Oliver
Oliver,
This is something I can really relate to. I been neglecting areas in my life that need attention and you couldn’t have described it better – it leads to guilt for the neglected areas and distraction from the task at hand. I thank you for this post. I look forward to reading more of your content. P.S- thanks for the mindmeister tip
Enjoy your weekend.
Shenan.
Shenan, you’re welcome!
A very well balanced and eloquent contribution to the blogosphere!
I found myself analyzing my own ‘balance equilibrium’.
Food for the table of energy buffet 🙂
Ed R
Hey Oliver,
Great writing, very articulate. I have to say you understand much about life and are in tune with who you are as a person much more than many people twice your age. I find the ‘balance’ in life is bullshit because I need to make ME happy first in order to extend this happiness and attitude and gratefulness to others. A true life balance in the mainstream is fitness, family, work, vacation etc.
I agree with the NOW – what’s important NOW? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at my desk and got up to dance with my six year old just because. The data could wait.
Did I ‘schedule’ that? No. It’s what was important then…or (NOW). That would have ‘thrown’ off the balance if I follow the routine.
Does it always work for me? Hell no, there are times when I’m working more than people THINK I should but you know what? It makes me happy building my future…why take that away from me to fit into ‘life’s balance?’
What people do not see is how I take time whenever I want or feel to do nothing, sleep, or chill watching three hours of Seinfeld, or read, or watch my kids splash in the pool on a hot afternoon. To me, this is MY balance, and so far it works – I don’t have the stress of others around me.
Sorry for the long-winded comment, but this is something I feel very strong about and hope to pass this on to others.!!!
Keep it up my friend!
Hi Oliver,
Great post, I struggle with balance at times myself too. When I am relaxing I sometimes feel guilty about not working because I haven’t yet achieved all of my other goals.
I like this line from your post: “I accept now that I have to invest time and energy in each area of my life but can only do it one step at a time.”
I’ve actually made it a goal to take time to relax and enjoy myself. I now schedule in some time to relax where I don’t need to feel guilty about not being productive. Goals are great, but aren’t worth missing out on _life_ along the way.
Cheers,
Andrew
Right now the most fun and fullfilment i get in life is reading and writing in my journal. Period. I have a gyser of emotion that i havent let myself feel for being busy. Having a coffee for 1 hour a day and doing this is what i crave – i could literally do it all day (which i’m scheduling very soon) – there is an unravelling going on for me – its where i’m at and i’m TOTALLY cool with it. – very much appreciate your thoughts on this subject bro as you are a great example of giving yourself what you need and loving yourself. Love!
Awesome post Ollie! I agree with you 110% that focusing on what you’re doing in the NOW is balance because it’s the only place you can be. Great insight! I’m excited to read more of what you write. You break ideas down and make them very easy to understand.
I think that most people don’t get it that there’s no such thing as perfect measurable balance and the only thing that’s out of balance is living in the past or present… which incidentally takes away from creativity and connection that come with being in the present.
You speak the truth Dineen! That’s really the message here. The present moment deserves our full attention. I used to understand that concept but it wasn’t until I experienced it did I actually KNOW. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
So glad to see your introspection and what you’ve been learning about yourself! That’s friggin cool man! The big question when thinking of journalling is, “is my life worth documenting?” And looking at past entries I’ve made, I am so grateful I captured the moment in writing, music or art that I can easily go back and appreciate those experiences over and over again. Thanks for the love bro!
Hey Andrew,
I’m glad you found value in this brother. Taking time to enjoy life is something only few do. I personally feel that those who do that for themselves are the truly wealthy!
Thanks for your post!
O
Hey Joey,
Thanks for sharing bro! Life balance just means feeling really good. That’s awesome that you are part of the rare few who can exist guilt-free because you know yourself so well and understand what is truly important in your life.
Thank you so much for the feedback and I’m glad you came by to check it out.
Cheers!
Oliver
Hey Ed,
Thanks for commenting!
It was great bumping into you this afternoon as well. Glad you had a chance to check out my post. “Energy buffet” lol – I love it!
Oliver
Wicked post man. Great content and the look/feel of the Blog page looks great.
I can really relate with this post. Thanks for posting man.
At the beginning of 2011, I started realizing that I don’t have to be soooo busy, trying to force things to happen. At McKernan’s Everest workshop last week, it really drove the point home for me. I remember him mentioning that we tend to complicate things, instead of making things simple.
Prior to this, I would take on many things, committing to many summits (goals). I would feel tons of guilt. Working on this, I’m missing out on that. Also, the let down of not completing things in the impossible time lines I set. Philip said…you can’t physically climb multiple mountains at the same time, yet we try to do this mentally everyday.
I have committed this year to slow down, relax, put myself in a positive environment, have fun and more fulfillment in what I do.
Hey Mike,
Thanks for sharing buddy! I’m glad that you’re taking the time to slow down and simplify life. Philip is one heck of a coach and he can seriously wake people the f*** up and smell the roses, so to speak!
Welcome back and see you …. next week? Wow that’s quick.
Cheers,
Oliver
Agreed man. Working with Philip over the next year is going to be amazing.
See you next week. Just sent the meeting invite. Looking forward to it.